Beware of Gangster Monkeys

Beware of the Gangster Monkey

March 8, 2014 reprint from Jan, 2011
Cha Jones

When I think of monkeys, words like cute, adorable, and curious usually come to mind. But after visiting Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, I now associate them with a very different word: gangster. Yes, Sis—gangster. The monkeys that roam freely near the Batu Caves aren’t your average primates. They’ve got street smarts, attitude, and absolutely zero fear. Let me explain.

First, let’s agree on a definition. When I say gangster, I mean: tough, rugged, a little bit shady, and not above stealing what they want. These monkeys? Check, check, check, and check.

The Batu Caves: Beauty and the Beast (Monkeys)

The Batu Caves are a must-see when visiting KL. Just outside the entrance stands a massive gold statue of Lord Murugan, the Hindu God of War—the tallest of its kind in the world. To the left of the statue are 272 steps leading to the cave’s entrance, where tourists and worshippers climb side-by-side. And somewhere along the way, so do the monkeys.

As you walk up the steep staircase, you’ll pass locals, tourists, and devout Hindus making their way toward the temple. You’ll also most likely be joined by a few monkeys who freely roam up and down the stairs like they own the place. And while they may appear playful or friendly, don’t be fooled. They’re still wild animals—with sharp instincts, faster reflexes, and a knack for sizing people up. So proceed with caution. I’m not saying don’t enjoy the view—just… maybe don’t pull out a snack.

Gatorade and Grit

After taking in the incense-laced air and spiritual beauty of the caves, my friend and I began descending the steps when we met him. A monkey. Not just any monkey—a male monkey with presence. My friend had just purchased a cold bottle of Gatorade and was enjoying it when he stepped between us like he paid rent there.

Without a sound, he reached for the drink like, “Excuse me, Sis, but that belongs to me.”

Naturally, she wasn’t about to give it up. We had just climbed 272 stairs, she was tired, hot, and not in the mood to share. But he wasn’t playing. He reached again—more aggressively this time. Teeth were shown. And just like that, I knew this was my cue to mind my business and keep it moving.

I wasn’t about to be monkey-mauled for a Gatorade I didn’t even buy.

My friend, clearly not wanting to be bit either, attempted to pour some of the drink onto the steps in a peaceful offering. The monkey looked at her like, “Ma’am, do I look like I’m here for puddles?” That’s when divine intervention—or maybe Lord Murugan himself—stepped in. An empty Gatorade bottle just happened to be lying nearby. She picked it up and poured the monkey a generous serving.

He snatched it up, climbed the railing, and took it straight to the head—no thank you, no nod, no nothing. And just like a true gangster, he bounced without another glance.

Final Warning

So, if you plan to visit the Batu Caves, here’s my advice: Beware the monkeys.
They look innocent enough and will mostly leave you alone—unless you have something they want. And they always want what you’ve got.

Avoid shiny objects, food, and don’t let them see their reflection in your phone camera—they’re not fans of selfies. And please, don’t try to feed them on purpose. Just because you see one monkey doesn’t mean he’s alone. Trust me—they roll in squads.

So yes, the Batu Cave monkeys may be cute… but don’t get it twisted.
They’re Gangster.
And now—you’ve been warned.